Umm I'm too high to move.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
