No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
