i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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