I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
