I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
