i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
