How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
