First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
