Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
