Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
