my being single is dangerous.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
