my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
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And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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