dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
