So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I believe in your delicious
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
