She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
