she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
