apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
