Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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