so let's talk penis.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
