Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
