Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
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Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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