I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
