at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
