sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
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Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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