I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
