I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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