he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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