i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
