U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
