I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
