she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
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Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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