You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
