i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
zippers are such a cool invention
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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