You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
