her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
