I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
