I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
