I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My vagina is very pro this idea
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
