this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
