There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
