Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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