I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
