I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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