I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
