Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
