I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize