That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
