i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
