with your own penis?
my phone needs a breathalizer
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
