First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
