worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
