Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
