I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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