I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
