Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
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I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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