she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
And then he peed in my hair
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