Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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