I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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