just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
