Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
