i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
