Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
