six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Pants are for mortals
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
