Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
