My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
