I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
