Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
