Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
