so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
