I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
