is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need a beard to bite.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
